Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull

The buzz around the film school last week was the long anticipated addition to the Indiana Jones series, and as I entered the Ziegfeld theater on opening night of Indiana Jones
and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls I was constructing my own
"Horror-bility Scale" whereby I would rank the film on a scale from
one to ten, one being Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom (mediocre
but enjoyable), Ten Being the Star Wars Prequels (mind blowingly
horrendous). Having been conned into George Lucas' three Star Wars
prequels my cynical expectation for IJATKOTCS was to come in at an
even nine on my previously laid out scale, even though I hoped for it
to exceed expectations and surprise me with about a four and a half.

The curtains opened up and this reviewer felt a chill of excitement.
The screen was revealed opened with a gopher emerging from a whole and
a 50's Era teen-drag race type scene...I was a tad bit unsure that I
was in the correct theater. Despite my original misgivings the film
opened with promise. The first fifteen to twenty minutes were a dose
of Jonesian delight. Although Indy himself looked a little long in
the tooth the action that ensued complete with relics, evildoers, and
some cranium kicking from a creaky old man set the film off on a
relatively rollicking pace. It was more or less all downhill from
there. The more characters that became involved in the action, the
more the plot resembled that of the film Goonies. A bunch of friends
were hunting for buried treasure as the bad guys were hot on their
tail. The whole film seemed like a scavenger hunt of sorts. The
strength behind the films like Raiders of The Lost Ark and The Last
Crusade was that the archaeological relics being sought out had
somewhat of a known historical basis and a connection was built to the
importance of that which was sought. In The Last Crusade for example,
the Holy Grail was more than just Jesus' cup, it was a bridge between
Indiana and his father. The Crystal Skull in this film seemed so
foreign that not even the characters knew why they were looking for
it. All everyone knew is that it had some psychic power and that Cate
Blanchett wanted it and it drove another guy crazy that Indy used to
be friends with. Often times it seemed like the only reason anyone
wanted to find the Crystal Skull is because they finally had the
directions to get there. The other angle played up in the film was,
of course, the reunion of Indy and Marion Ravenwood. As nice as it
was to see Karen Allen back on screen again and the two arguing just
like old times...it was really unneeded. Another strong point of the
other two sequels was that they never stopped to consider the film or
films that preceeded them. This film feels like it dwells on a
relationship built up 27 years ago...but that relationship doesn't
necessarily weigh on anything that occurs throughout the film, but
nonetheless provides a few one liners.

The rest of the supporting cast felt a bit wasted. While Cate
Blanchett is always a pleasure to watch, she never angered me with her
evilness...and it seemed like no thought went into writing John Hurt's
character. Ray Winstone played the token worthless fat guy and Shia
LeBeouf wasn't unenjoyable and lord knows he certainly injected some
youth into the proceedings as Indy's travel partner and initiator of
the plot thickening trip to Peru. I'd say more but I don't do
spoilers. Lebeouf participated in plenty of action sequences that
might cause me to give up my suspension of disbelief altogether.

As harsh this review has been, I'm not sure the film deserves a ten on
my haphazardly formulated horror-bility scale. I'll give it a seven
and a half and a hearty "DAMN YOU SPIELBERG AND LUCAS!" for ruining
such a good thing by making part IV. I've already put the $12 I'm not
spending on Indiana Jones V: Mutt Williams and The Sasquatch Trail of
The Pacific Northwest, into a savings account so I can hopefully make
my money back by the time that comes out.

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